Tuesday, 10 February 2015

Because I can write about nice stuff too....

OK 2015. If I'm being honest, you're really ruining my blog right now, you little monkey.
I can't just go around wailing about life every time I post anything, because people will get fed up. Nobody wants to CRY every time they read one word I have blogged now do they?!

We're not even half way through February and 2015 has chucked a right load of PURE HELL obstacles my way.
Most of them I write about because writing is literally what I do.... If (and when) something happens, I sit down and I type. I type all about it, I add one of the four thousand pictures I have taken that day, I press publish and off I go.
I generally don't expect people to read it, and I certainly don't expect people to be interested..... Never mind take the time to comment, email or message me about it.
So yes, so far 2015 has been ABSOLUTELY HORRENDOUS quite a task, but at the same time I have been completely overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people who have take the time to read what I am banging on about and to get in touch with me and let me know they have.

My last post received a response I never, ever expected. I honestly wasn't going to post it, because losing a baby at such an early stage just isn't something people talk about is it. I was overwhelmed with concerns that people would think it was just one of those things and not be interested and that would make me feel so much worse because it was so much more than that to me..... but after 3 cocktails I just thought well I want to talk about it.... and I did.
Complete strangers have tracked down my email to let me know they are thinking of me. Old and new friends have sent cards, texts and messages. People have told me they have been through similar experiences, and that they didn't know how to talk about it, or have admitted they have no idea how I am feeling, but they would just like to offer their support.

And do you know how that feels? It feels pretty amazing.

Our Jo always says NEVER LET THE BASTARDS GET YOU DOWN 'You are only given what you can handle in this life' (or something like that, and she has recently added a load of swearing on the end but she still says it)..... But I think it's probably true.
Recently, a lot of people have called me an inspiration, a brave person, or suggested they don't know how they would cope with what I am living through.
The thing is, when it's your life, you live it. I am not an inspiration (though I don't mind being called one, so don't stop. Lolz. Jokes.) In all seriousness though, I really aren't. (Just for the record, Carl is a different kettle of fish altogether. He is an inspiration.) ....... Anyway back to me (see I'm a right fussy cow really)....
I am literally living the life I have been given. Sometimes I feel really brave, but then who doesn't?
The amount of times I cry probably outweigh the amount of times I feel brave, but I am hardly going to blog about crying am I. That would be a right load of rubbish and I would have to do it every day. OMG, TODAY I SMASHED THREE EGGS AND CRIED, I WILL BE BACK TOMORROW.

So basically, what I am saying here is.... 2015 has got right on my nerves, (HELLO I even failed my Theory test the other day, because of ALL the hazards), but at the same time, I've had a right good old time chatting to the most lovely people, being told the most lovely things and knowing people are reading my writing.
I struggled for such a long time to feel like people would want to read the things I had written. Then I decided I just needed to get things on paper regardless and then people actually read it and I felt lovely, even in the bad times. Life is happening, and I am recording it. It's my way of making the memories and I can't ask for more than that. So.... there 2015. You aren't that shit after all.
Just to clarify, I can write about nice stuff too, so if you want to throw any of that my way, that would be ace.  THANKS PAL.



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