Sunday, 19 October 2014

Autumn = Hull Fair

Hull Fair Checklist -

1. EVERY warm item of clothing you own. It doesn't matter that the heat from the lights, food stands and general crush of people will make you sweat to death, Hull folk know it is still advisable to wear something suitable for October. A Hull Fair outfit, for Hull Fair weather if you will.

2. ALL THE MONEY. You might think you are just going 'for a wander' and 'to have a tray of Carvers', but you still fill your pockets with all of the money you have. ALL OF IT.

3. SECURITY. You know there's a chance some scally is going to try and take your money, your iPhone, your car keys and your best watch so you secure it all in the best possible way. By not taking a handbag and sticking it all in your pocket. Maybe a few fivers INSIDE your gloves. Sorted.

4. BOB CARVERS. You have watched the man who appears from the back with the bucket of peas. You know that bucket is probably used to clean the floor at other times of the year. You know the girl will use her bare hands (the one she handles all the money with) to stick your pattie on top of your peas. But would you really go to fair and have anything else? OF COURSE YOU WOULDN'T.

5. HOOK A DUCK. It costs £3 to hook a duck. You win something that you could buy for 5p. But, you're at the Fair and you COULD WIN ME IF YOU LOSE. (Does anybody actually know how to lose on hook a duck?)..... What the hell, you've just won the unicorn from Despicable Me. And it only has one eye. BUT YOU WON.

6. THE PLANK who actually figured out how to lose. Yes, there is always somebody carrying a life size minion around the fair, smiling smugly and actually wanting people to ask how he managed such a task. The same moron is seen twenty minutes later, on the waltzers, with his minion strapped in next to him. What a kid.

7. FOOD. So much food. Of course, the Carvers is customary, but would you really miss out on a pork sandwich, a few do nuts and some of those noodles from the strange stand at the end? Of course not! You're at Fair! EAT ALL THE FOOD.

8. FOOD (Pt. 2.) Panic Buying. Hull Fair comes but once a year. Once a year you see the street of glorious food stands. Imagine what you are going to do for the rest of the year without them. Best thing to do? Buy all of the food you haven't eaten and take it home (to never eat). Candy Floss, toffee apples, nougat, fudge, brandy snap, POMENGRANATES. Oh my God, don't forget the pomegranates. The second you walk through the door, the toffee apples will stick to their wrappers, the candy floss will turn back into pure sugar, the brandy snap will all stick together and it's bag will disintegrate and as for the pomegranates..... Why did you buy them again?!
Still, it's nice to have a bit of Baileys banana fudge for breakfast isn't it.

 9. THE SMELL. Because nothing says Hull Fair like the smell of Hull Fair. Similar to the Hull Fair outfit and the Hull Fair weather, the Hull Fair smell will stick to your hair and clothes for about 2 weeks after you have washed them. But it's Fair smell isn't it. So it's fine.

10. CHRISTMAS. Because if you're from Hull, Christmas starts after Hull Fair. So we win. Again.

Hull fair is marmite. People either love it or hate it, but they still seem to go.
People from Hull know, if you live here, you can slag it off...... but if you don't, don't you dare say a bad word about it! (the Fair AND Hull!)

 I adore Seasons, but Autumn and Winter have to be my favourite!
I thought it would be a good idea to have a few blog posts on what these seasons mean to me - Starting with Hull Fair and ending with Christmas!
Keep your eyes peeled for more :)

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